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Life’s a Journey

If Life’s a Journey, do you know where you’re heading?

Sounds a bit twee and definitely overused but like it or not life IS a journey. And from the minute we’re born we are in pursuit of happiness. Looking for happiness is a basic human motivation. Did you know we are born with two basic instincts: a revulsion of sorrow and a craving for joy. Sound about right?

Joy and sorrow are subjective experiences, by that I mean they are something that we all feel differently to varying degrees in different situations depending on our previous experience and current view of the world. Not easy to measure then? So why do we try to assess these feelings by measuring what we own, how successful we are and our standing within our communities? It is not surprising that measuring these things doesn’t quite hit the mark when we are thinking about feelings.

There is a distinct and clear relationship between our state of mind and the joy or sorrow we experience. If we are unsettled, agitated or anxious our ability to experience sorrow is enhanced. Feeling relaxed and at ease improves our outlook and helps us to feel joy.

If we buy into the view that:

 

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking it makes it so

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

 

Then there is a real need to take time to look after our state of mind by taking time to relax, reflect and repair.

Using hypnosis to enhance relaxation skills can assist you to take the time to explore and reflect on your current view of life and in partnership with your hypnotherapist you can make the changes you want to the way you think act and behave.

One of my clients recently gave me a lovely piece of wall art saying “life’s a journey”, I struggled for weeks trying to decide where to put it. I decided that “life” (for short) should not be constrained to living its life secured to a wall, so on 3rd of June 2014 it began its own journey.

After a short photo shoot in and around the therapy rooms in Aylestone, Leicester it headed out into the big wide world. I’ll keep you posted on its travels……..

See  Lifes a journey photos at Lindastewart-hypnotherapy Facebook page

IMG_2363 IMG_2369

Posted in Resources Tagged with: , ,

Are you struggling to move on?

Are you struggling to move on?

Are you struggling to move on from…..

• Relationship breakup

• Bereavement

• Being bullied

• an unexpected event

Hypnotherapy can help, for a FREE consultation and make that first step towards change, call 07920000177

Book FREE consultation now.

 

 

Posted in Anxiety, Behaviours, Bereavement, Bullying, Life Event, Relationships, Stress Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why cant I stop it?

Why can't i stop it?

Hypnotherapy can help you make changes to the way you think, act and behave, enabling you to break habits such as:

• Smoking

• Eating

• Nail biting

• Swearing

• Tics

Make that healthy choice and call 07920000177 for a FREE consultation and make that first step towards change

Book FREE consultation now.

Posted in Habit Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Want to reduce stress and have a better lifestyle?

Stressed professional

Hypnotherapy can help you make a positive change to your lifestyle.

• Better work life balance

• Less procrastination

• Improve time management

• Able to take control • Enjoy life

If you want to change your cycle of planning, failing and guilt to planning, achieving and pride, give me a call 07920000177.

Book your FREE consultation now.

Posted in Achieving, Behaviours, Habit, Lifestyle, Relationships, Stress, Work Life Balance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , ,

Is your fear of flying holding you back?

Is your fear of flying holding you back?

20-40% of the population experience anxiety whilst flying, its one of the most common phobias.

Although this anxiety can seem irrational to us, our unconscious mind may create anxiety as it thinks it is protecting us. Protecting us is the primary function of our unconscious mind, and as flying is essentially an unnatural thing for people to do, this reaction is not surprising. Fear of flying can affect anyone, the good news is that there are techniques that can access the unconscious mind for you to overcome your fear of flying.

Call 07920000177 for a free half hour consultation and take that first step to taking your dream holiday.

Book a FREE Consultation now.

Posted in Achieving, Anxiety, Holiday, Lifestyle, Phobia, Techniques Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,

Want to ditch the drink & improve your lifestyle?

ant to ditch the drink and improve your lifestyle?

Is this your life? “On Sunday evening I’m full of plans for the coming week, on Monday I’ll start eating healthily, exercise regularly, be less stressed at work and home and not drink during the week. By Wednesday I’ve cracked open the wine, I’m eating rubbish, not exercised, I’m shouting at the children and work is doing my head in…..my husband doesn’t help he just adds to the stress, I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve this life!”

Hypnotherapy can help you make a positive change to your lifestyle.

• Be slimmer and fitter

• Be less stressed

• Wake up refreshed

• Work life balance

• Rekindle romance

If you want to change your cycle of planning, failing and guilt to planning, achieving and pride, give me a call 07920000177.

Book your FREE consultation now.

Posted in Behaviours, Drinking, Lifestyle, Relationships, Stress, Techniques, Work Life Balance Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again

So says the old proverb.

There are many things wrong with that concept, not the least of which is that you can spend ages TRYING to do something. The very concept of TRYING to do something suggests that it is difficult to achieve and that it is something that you might fail at. It actually encourages thoughts of failure rather than success and it is well known that we will tend to achieve that which we think of achieving.

Successful people, when something does not work, simply do not bother with all this try and try again nonsense. They change something – it doesn’t much matter what – and then test the change to see if it achieves the desired goal. If not, then they will change something else and test that.

 

This process has many advantages: 

1. Each time you test your idea, it is a new idea. You can be optimistic. If it doesn’t work for any reason at all, you will have simply discovered a new fact.

2. Each change you make dissociates you from the previous efforts, so you don’t carry a subconscious belief of failure. The subconscious knows that this attempt is not the same as the previous ones and therefore will not foul things up with negativity.

3. You are starting to become more conversant with your idea, constantly discovering new facets that will lead to total knowledge of it.

4. You are training your mind and brain to look for what you want (success) rather than that which you fear (failure).

5. Each change you make takes you one step closer to success. The only reason that people don’t succeed in their efforts – and it is a sad fact that many don’t – is that they give up before they discover how to make the idea work, often moving on to a ‘second best’ choice.

6. You are learning more about the parts of the idea that DO work, gaining confidence and allowing you to concentrate on the area(s) that need improvement.

This concept works well in almost all, if not all, areas of life. Career, relationships, hobbies, sports, communication, learning… in fact, it’s difficult to think of anything where it is *not* a worthwhile approach.

 

Posted in Achieving, Behaviours, Emotions, Resources, Techniques Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Should you or Shouldn’t you?

All these statements carry the same message – something isn’t going to happen.

 

“I should try to get more exercise…”

“I shouldn’t eat so much junk food…”

“That shouldn’t be allowed to happen…”

“They should make a law against it…”

 

They are great ‘excuse’ sentences that allow integrity to be partially preserved without the inconvenience of actually *doing* anything about the situation. They are usually used on their own, just empty statements and if you try to complete any of them, it’s odds on that the next word will be ‘but’ – and you might remember, from a previous newsletter, how destructive ‘but’ can be.

As an exercise, try completing one of those sentences by adding the word ‘so’ on the end… now that can be quite alarming, all of a sudden!

“I should try to get more exercise, so…” Just the addition of that simple ‘so’ has made inaction all but impossible. What was an ‘excuse’ sentence has become an ‘action statement’ which will encourage you to actually *do* something constructive. ‘And’ is almost as good.

A useful thing to do with either ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ is to completely remove them from your vocabulary as far as possible… which shouldn’t be difficult! Habit will have you using them, of course, but when that happens, a rephrasing will polarise the concept and integrity is given a healthy nudge. Try it with those statements above and you will discover how difficult it is to evade the issue – and don’t cheat by using ‘ought’!

There is one other use of the ‘should’ word, quite different, that is worthy of mention and that is what I call the “He should… I would” pattern. It’s used as a criticism and is wonderful bit of armchair politics. It’s very easy to see what somebody else *should* do and what we *would* do when it’s not us that has to actually get our bottom off the chair and get to work!

Posted in Behaviours, Eating, Excercises, Resources, Techniques Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Acceptance

Lack of acceptance causes pain, of that there can be no doubt. There’s that prayer about changing those things that can be changed, accepting those things which cannot be changed, and having the wisdom to know the difference.

An important piece of acceptance is that something that has happened can never be UNhappened. Without such acceptance, there can be anger, resent, bad manners… but no matter what, the event still happened. If somebody steals your car, you can rant and rave, you can shout and scream, and all that happens is you upset your body chemistry, feel wretched and you STILL have no car. Nothing constructive has happened. Accept that the car has gone and you can begin to work out how best to deal with the situation. Acceptance of that which cannot be changed is one of the tenets of contentment in life – an extraordinarily valuable commodity.

Now we’ll look at two particularly difficult areas where acceptance is essential, yet often difficult to find:

  1. The break-up of a relationship.
  2. Aspects of self which are perceived as ‘negative’

The break-up of a relationship, especially a long-standing one, is one of the most painful situations that the human psyche can experience. We are bereaved just as surely as if the other person had died – in fact, the pain is often *worse* than if death had occurred. Some people never fully recover, yet others seem to ‘bounce’ disgustingly quickly. Personality type comes into this, of course, as well as perceptions of guilt and self-recrimination. Often, too, the grieving is not for what has been lost, but for what the relationship never was, and that somehow makes it all the more difficult to bear.

Acceptance behaves like a magical balm, allowing the subconscious to move on, to make new plans, to find new happiness and new fun. When it is accepted that the person who has left is not coming back, longing and waiting can stop. We no longer need to keep on listening for the telephone to ring or to anxiously scan every email, text, or piece of mail. When it happens suddenly – which I have seen happen many times in my consulting room – it is almost as if a miracle had occurred. We can smile again and mean it.

There are no magical words that will make acceptance happen; it has to come from a deep recognition that just wanting somebody to ‘come back’ won’t make them come back; and more, if we find a way to persuade, cajole, force or blackmail a lost lover/companion into returning, what then? We have to be constantly on our guard, lest they leave again, because we *know* that they don’t truly want to be with us. There’s no joy there, only more pain as we are constantly reminded that the relationship is not what we wanted it to be.

 

Much better to accept, let go, and move forward.

The second aspect of acceptance mentioned here can have a profound effect upon overall well-being and happiness in life – the acceptance of aspects of self that might be perceived as negative. We all have aspects of our personality and ‘way of being’ that we feel uncomfortable about; maybe we see ourselves as selfish, dim on occasions, over-emotional, under-responsive, or any one of a whole variety of pretty standard human behaviour patterns.

The trouble is that when anybody mentions any of those things, our self-worth sags and personal confidence is dented. Yet accept those things as just part of what goes to make the whole of you and that overall, you are no worse and no better than the next human being and you can start to enjoy being you and all that being you means.

I’ll illustrate this with a story.

 

Billy the Chatterbox

When a young boy started school, his first school report said: “Billy is very bright but he is a chatterbox – he never stops talking.” Now, this was true, and his parents laughed about it; they showed relatives, who also laughed. The same sort of thing was repeated the next term and the term after… “Billy is intelligent but he never stops talking.” He didn’t really understand what was such a bad thing about talking – he was fascinated by lots of things and loved to talk about them. That people laughed every time a school report was read made him uncomfortable and eventually he decided that if this was a bad thing, or laughable, he had better stop.

His efforts were in vain; so many things fascinated him that enthusiasm would burst out of him in a torrent of excited chatter. One day, when he was a young adult, somebody said: “My God, do you never stop talking?” That hit hard at the sore spot that had been created over the years and he suddenly started to stutter. Then people laughed even more. Eventually, he developed a social phobia which left him fearful of social gatherings of any sort. Parties, dinners, holidays, even family get-togethers – all of these were no-go areas for Billy.

He became introverted and timid and eventually found himself with a therapist, recounting those early experiences of people laughing because he was a chatterbox.

“Tell me again about that teacher,” the therapist said.

“She said I never stopped talking,” Billy replied.

“That’s funny,” the therapist said. “I though you told me she said you were intelligent.”

“Well, yes she did,” Billy agreed. “But I don’t think I noticed that bit.”

From that moment on, Billy began to recognise that he, encouraged by others, had seen only the ‘he talks too much’ part of what had been written on his school reports. His adult psyche recognised that his talking was an expression of his ability to understand and his enthusiasm for life and learning. It was like the Ugly Duckling story all over again! There was an almost instant acceptance that he was a natural talker, a communicator of ideas and concepts.

Time passed. Billy talked A LOT and if anybody said anything at all about it, he would simply smile and agree with them. “I’ve always been talkative,” he would say, “Thank goodness. I love to share all my ideas.” No comments could hit any target now and there was no longer a sore spot; he knew that his talkativeness was a measure of his intelligence and his entire joy of living.

Acceptance is a wonderful thing. Accept the way you are and embrace it – warts and all – and you will become instantly more comfortable with yourself and others. When you accept those facets of self which you thought were negative, no matter what they are, nobody can push your buttons any more because you won’t be trying to hide them.

Posted in Emotions, Relationships, Resources, Techniques Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Feeling’s don’t lie

How many times might you have thought – even said – I shouldn’t feel like this?

Most people do, at some point or another. And yet it is a totally invalid statement – if you ‘shouldn’t’ feel like that, then you wouldn’t. Feelings are always there for a reason and we can gain a lot from working out exactly what it is we are feeling and why we are feeling it. It’s not an easy task but a very worthwhile one.

Before you can get started on the task you need to understand a few important ideas…

1. Your feelings will never lie to you. You can lie about them, definitely, but what you feel is what you feel. Some feelings are uncomfortable, but they are simply messages from your subconscious and cannot actually harm you.

2. Don’t beat yourself up if you think that your feelings are ‘bad’ – this will not make them go away and will ultimately make them worse. Feelings are never ‘bad’, they are simply a message from part of your subconscious mind about a reaction to a situation of some sort. Many times, we can resolve those feelings but it will sometimes need the help of a professional therapist.

3. Recognise that you are not the only person in the world who has those feelings. They might be uncomfortable but they are not ‘weird’ or unique. But you can guarantee that everything you feel is felt millions of times around the world. Your subconscious is the same as that of everybody else; it is the same and works the same, and it is from there that your feelings originate.

4. You didn’t *choose* to have those feelings – we can only control what we do with the feelings not their existence. Our feelings come from what we have learnt about ourselves and the world from the moment we were born and you certainly didn’t have any choice over *those* matters!

5. Nobody can *make* you feel anything. Your feelings are *your own* reaction to a given situation. If you have trouble with this concept just think about the number of times that people have *tried* to make you feel something and it hasn’t happened. And if it WERE possible to change somebody’s feelings, do you not think that somebody would have learnt to do just that, to totally control what another thinks and therefore what that other person wants to do? If somebody could do that, negatively OR positively, he or she would be worth a million in no time at all!

6. The most important one: Your feelings deserve respect and total regard. Accept that they are there and that they are valid, even if they are unpleasant.

Next time that you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in some way, make a mental note that you will investigate those feelings as fully as you can and make an appointment with yourself to do just that – and don’t ‘forget’ it! This is all part of giving your feelings total respect. Create some sort of ‘anchor’ that will let you find it again; creating a strong image of where you are as you feel it will normally do it.

 

Method:

First, read through the 6 rules above, thinking in depth about each one of them, especially number 6. Continue only when you feel the understanding of each rule.

Now sit quietly and focus for a few moments, just as in the beginning of the ‘self focussing’ technique in the last newsletter; just in case you don’t have it to hand, here it is again:

Sit yourself comfortably and just stare for a while, not trying to think of anything in particular; it’s slightly better to stare at a fixed point, though not essential. You might feel relaxed and you might not – it’s not important, either way. After a while (it varies from person to person) you will be aware of some sort of change. It might be that you feel quiet, or that you notice your breathing has slowed down. It might be just that you feel calm and relaxed. What happens is not important – it’s the fact that you have NOTICED that something has changed that is important.

Now, keeping that state, access the feeling that you want to explore and recognise that it is YOUR feeling and is nothing to do with anybody else and can’t affect anybody else. If state of focus changes, then start again; it is essential to remain as consciously calm and detached as possible to allow your subconscious to communicate.

Keep the feeling in your mind/body and don’t try to do anything with it other than that. After a little while (it might only be a moment or two) you will be aware of a thought or an image also in your mind; this is quite inevitable and is a key to the origin of the emotional response that you are getting, even if you do not immediately understand it. Examine the thought or image without criticism or judgement; remember that you didn’t choose it and it’s simply a message from the subconscious. The image or thought might change to something else, perhaps another feeling of some sort, and if it does, just go with it, simply following the train of thought in as much of a detached manner as you can.

Sometimes, everything will just suddenly make sense. At other times, the feeling will simply fade which is a message from your subconscious that you have done enough work as is necessary/possible for the time being. If it returns, you can go through the process again.

Finally, remember to apply those 6 rules to the thoughts and images that your subconscious has given you – and remember, your subconscious GAVE you those thoughts; it did not force them into your mind!

Posted in Behaviours, Communication, Emotions, Excercises, Relationships, Resources, Techniques Tagged with: , , , , , , , , ,

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linda@lindastewart-hypnotherapy.co.uk

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